Depression & practice of God's presence

Sometimes. Holding a hope is difficult when we can not see our future clearly or feel out living is the same everyday. However if we hold a hope in any circumstances we call it is faith.

A Few weeks ago, I was in depression. I remember I cried everyday. I just could not see my future clearly, and our future after Tom finishes studying. I was like Lot's wife looking at her past even though God had a new plan for them, because I am still missing School and my students and I still have a temptation to have a MA course in my profession back in korea. There I had confidence and pride in my position.

I tried to adjust my self to new country, new language and new baby for five months, but I am still struggling with my English language. It makes me very depressed and not have confidence in my living. I had to confess to God 'I'm nothing' and realise God is making me to be more and more humble in my new country, England.

In college one student called my depression culture shock, because she also had this problem in England.

A monk brother Lawrence found God in his living everywhere, every time. I am trying to have the practice of God's presence to overcome my depression. When I change Hanna's dirty Nappies, wash dishes and Iron clothes. I am trying to find God, I hope find God in my small things and in nothing because God is God.

Although I can not see my future and don't know if I can come back to school. He knows my future and will make his way for me.

God I am nothing, Only you are my lord, Take my Life.

Read Habakkuk 3:16-19 Have you imagined Habakkuk's situation?
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16 I heard and my heart pounded,
my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
and my legs trembled.
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
to come on the nation invading us.

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

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His confession is so great and is teaching me 'what is faith'.

Ju-Hee

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